Escape to the Fairytale Pheasant Inn: Cockermouth's Hidden Gem
Escape to the Fairytale Pheasant Inn: A Cockermouth Chronicle (and a Few Deep Breaths)
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your clinical, bullet-pointed travel review. This is my brain, splattered all over the keyboard after surviving the Fairytale Pheasant Inn in Cockermouth. And let me tell you, it was a journey. My soul needs a spa day just to recover from writing this.
Let's Get This Over With: The Basics (and Why They Mattered)
First things first, let's knock out the mandatory stuff, even though I'm already itching to get to the juicy bits.
- Accessibility: The Pheasant's alright, not amazing. They say they have facilities for disabled guests, but I didn't personally test the wheelchair accessibility – there's an elevator, which is a plus (thank god, because I'm already exhausted). A bit blurry on the details, but will update on any issues during my time there.
- Internet: Wi-Fi is free in the rooms, which is a glorious victory in this day and age. There's also LAN access, for those who, like my mum, still cling to the ethernet cable. I might have forgotten my laptop. Still a bit blurry on that front.
- Cleanliness (and Covid): This is where the Pheasant REALLY shines. Seriously, they're paranoid – in a good way! Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Hand sanitizer everywhere? Check. Staff trained in safety protocol? They looked like they'd been to hazmat school. And the sanitizing kitchen (and tableware!) items? Chefs kiss. They REALLY take this seriously. Which, to be fair, I kinda needed.
My Personal Whirlwind - The Core and the Soul
Now, let's get to the heart of it, because everything I have said so far is just… well, you know, the dry, boring stuff. I’ve been to hotels before, the checklist things. This wasn’t that. This WAS something.
The Spa - Where I Actually Relaxed (And Maybe Almost Fell Asleep)
Right, deep breath. The spa. This is where the Pheasant truly enchanted me. I'm talking a pool with a view that would have me reaching for my camera every time I opened my eyes, if I was capable of moving. But the sauna! Oh, the sauna! I'm a sucker for a good sweat session. And this wasn't just any sweat session; it was a spiritual sweat session. It was the moment, after a few days of driving, I think I could finally breathe. I spent hours there. No, seriously! Hours. I ended up so relaxed I almost didn't want to move. I’m not sure if I tried the pool, there was still some lingering Covid anxiety, but the sauna became my sanctuary. The aromatherapy was also a nice touch - who doesn't love a good eucalyptus-infused sweat?
This whole experience made my soul want to weep with happiness.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Food, Glorious Food! (And a Few Regrets)
The dining situation? It’s top-notch. They have restaurants, a bar, even two bars. There's an international cuisine, a western cuisine, and they also have a vegetarian restaurant. I went for the buffet and the a la carte, since I hadn't eaten in days and my stomach was rumbling. But, oh god, it was glorious. Everything was just… perfect. It was like a movie scene, but you're actually in it. The food choices were endless, from the classic afternoon tea to the more exotic Asian breakfasts.
Then there was the poolside bar, and I felt like a queen sipping my cocktail.
The Rooms: Cozy, Comfortable… and Maybe a Little Too Much Victorian Romance?
Okay, the rooms. They're not minimalist havens, let's get that straight. Think "Victorian meets cozy cottage." I mean, there was a fireplace, and a writing desk, and… well, a lot of velvet. Maybe too much velvet. But hey, they're non-smoking, they have an alarm clock, and they have complimentary tea and bottled water! The bed was supremely comfortable, the lighting was just right for reading, and my room had a balcony. I could have easily stayed there for a week, just to be closer to the sauna.
The Little Extras (And Where They Fell Short)
Okay, here's the truth: I’m not sure of all the services, because I’m lazy. But here’s what I do know:
- They have Air Conditioning: Essential for keeping the mood chill.
- They Have an Elevator: Bless!
- They Have a Concierge: Very helpful with local tips.
- Business Facilities: For those who (unlike me) actually need to work.
- Babysitting Service: Not applicable to me but good to know.
- Car Park: Free!
- Front Desk: 24-hour, thank god!
- Daily Housekeeping: It kept me sane.
- Laundry Service: Used it. Loved it.
- Luggage Storage: Very nice.
- Non-Smoking Rooms: Yes!
The Quirks, the Imperfections and the Things That Made Me Grumble
- My one regret? I didn’t try the steamroom, because… um… I got lost! Also, there's this feeling that I've missed out on things, and that's never nice.
- I also think they might have a gift shop. Okay, I might have seen a shop… but I wasn’t really looking. I was too busy deciding whether to go back to the sauna.
- The lack of a coffee shop. I NEEDED that coffee!
- Is the Proposal spot real? I really should have asked.
Final Verdict: The Fairytale Pheasant Inn: A Cockermouth Must-Do
Look, it's not perfect. No place is. But the Fairytale Pheasant Inn is a place where you can breathe, where you can enjoy something from the past in the now. The spa is divine. The food is superb. The staff are genuinely lovely. And, honestly, it's exactly what I needed.
SEO and Metadata Stuff (Because Google Doesn't Care About My Feelings)
- Title: Escape to Fairytale Pheasant Inn, Cockermouth: Spa, Dining & Hidden Gem Review
- Keywords: Cockermouth, Fairytale Pheasant Inn, Hotel Review, Spa, Sauna, Dining, Lake District, England, Luxury Hotel, Wellness, Travel, Review, Accessibility, Wheelchair Accessible, Restaurant, Safe Stay, Covid-19 Safety
- Description: A brutally honest, hilariously real, and slightly chaotic review of the Fairytale Pheasant Inn in Cockermouth, Cumbria. Discover the spa, the food, the quirks, and why this hidden gem might be your perfect escape. Includes details on accessibility, Covid safety, and everything you need to know!
- H1: My Fairytale Escape: A Review of the Pheasant Inn in Cockermouth
- Meta Description: My honest take of this hotel getaway.
In Conclusion
Go. Seriously. Just go.
Escape to Paradise: The Westin Chicago North Shore Wheeling Awaits!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups! This isn't your polished, perfectly-formatted travelogue. This is the raw, unfiltered, probably-slightly-hungover REALITY of a trip to The Pheasant Inn, courtesy of this weary traveler. Prepare for a bumpy ride.
The Pheasant Inn: A Cockermouth Caper (or Trying to Find the Bathroom in the Dark)
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Pub Quest
14:00 - Arrival: Okay, let's be honest, getting to The Pheasant Inn wasn't exactly a smooth ballet of luggage and grace. The Sat Nav, bless its algorithmic heart, seemed determined to take me through sheep fields instead of the actual road. Eventually, after some aggressive U-turning and a near-miss with a particularly judgmental looking ewe, I rolled into the car park. First impressions? Charming. Seriously charming. Like, a slightly-weathered, beautifully-aged bottle of something dark and delicious charm. Sigh This place is gorgeous.
14:30 - Check-In (and the Quest for Tea): Sweet, sweet relief! The lobby is all exposed beams and crackling fireplaces. Apparently, they're still running a little behind on checking in, so I sat, got a cuppa, then did a quick tour. The staff? Utterly lovely. Warm, friendly, and they seemed genuinely excited to have me. Which, let's be honest, is a rare and beautiful thing.
15:00 - Room Reconnaissance (and the Great Wardrobe Debacle): The room! Okay, it's… cosy. "Cosy" is a polite word for "slightly small, but utterly charming." I swear, it took me a good five minutes just to locate the lightswitch. Then, I spent a further ten battling the wardrobe. It's one of those ancient, creaky beasts that seems to have developed a mind of its own. I'm fairly certain I saw it wink at me.
16:00 - Afternoon Pub Reconnaissance: The real adventure began! I wandered downstairs, ready to conquer the pub. The pub! Proper, old-school pub, with real ales and a roaring fire. I settled into a comfy armchair, ordered a pint of something dark and mysterious, and watched the world go by. The locals were friendly, the atmosphere was buzzing, and I swear I could smell the history. It was perfect. I even struck up a conversation with a chap named Trevor who kept telling me about his prize-winning rhubarb. Honestly, I'm not sure I understood half of it, but it was brilliant.
- Anecdote: There was this one incredibly awkward moment when I tried to order a sandwich. The waitress, bless her heart, was clearly new. "Um, what kind of bread do you want?" she asked. I panicked. "Uh… the bread bread?" I said. She just stared blankly. I hastily changed my order. Crisis averted.
19:00 - Dinner and Gastronomic Bliss (and the Existential Crisis of Steak Cooking): Dinner at The Pheasant surpassed all expectations. I went for the steak. It was cooked to perfection, except it wasn't. I asked for medium, it came out medium-rare. Am I going to send it back? Absolutely not. It's still great! I'm not going to be "that" person. And the accompanying peppercorn sauce? Divine. Honestly, I could have licked the plate (and I considered it).
- Emotional Reaction: I'm finally starting to chill out. The food, the drinks, the company, the whole atmosphere is perfect. This is why I travel. This is why I escape. This is why I'm willing to spend all my savings.
- Quirky Observation: By the end of the meal, I was starting to develop a serious crush on the fireplace. I wanted to hug it. I resisted. But only just.
21:00 - The Great Bathroom Quest of the Night (and the Fear of the Dark): Here's where things get… interesting. I attempted to navigate the corridors of The Pheasant Inn in the pitch black, and may or may not have ended up wrestling with a particularly stubborn door and getting totally lost. I think I stumbled on a linen closet. Or possibly a dungeon… I'm not entirely sure. Eventually, I found the bathroom. Exhausted, I fell into bed.
Day 2: Exploring (and the Slight Hangover of Regret)
08:00 - Wake Up (and the Gentle Nudge From Yesterday's Pint): "Oh, hello head. How are you today?" Today's mission, is to find coffee. Urgent coffee.
09:00 - Breakfast and the Verdict: The breakfast! Oh, the breakfast! The full English was truly exceptional. There was a magnificent selection of homemade jams and a mountain of toast. Fuel for the day!
10:00 - Exploring Cockermouth (and the Great Souvenir Search): On advice, a few hours were spent exploring Cockermouth. The town. Very cute! I wandered around, soaked up the atmosphere, and even managed to find a souvenir shop. I'm not usually one for souvenirs, but I bought a mug. A mug! I'm becoming a cliché.
- Anecdote: I got utterly lost. More than once. Cockermouth is delightful, but my sense of direction clearly left on the same train as Trevor and his rhubarb.
13:00 - Pub Lunch (and the Guilt Trip of Indulgence): Back to the pub for lunch. I ordered a pie, which was incredibly tempting and, honestly, brilliant.
- Emotional Reaction: Look, I'm not going to lie. I feel a little guilty about all the food and drink. But then, I remember I'm on holiday. Also, I should probably go for a walk later. Maybe.
15:00 - Hike (and the Battle of Willpower): The promised walk finally happened! A beautiful walk ensued. The Lake District is stunning. However, I'm not a "hiker." I'm more of a "stroll-er."
- Rambles: I contemplated writing a poem about a lake. It would have been very deep and meaningful, I'm sure. Maybe next time…
18:00 - Farewell Dinner (and the Sadness of Departure): Last dinner, and a bittersweet one at that. The food was, of course, perfect. But the realization that this amazing trip was ending was hard to shake.
20:00 - Farewell and Goodbyes: Check out. A deep, sad sigh. I'm going to miss this place. The staff. The food. The fireplace. Even the creaky wardrobe. Until next time, The Pheasant Inn. You were a dream. The end!
Escape to the Fairytale Pheasant Inn: You've Got Questions? I've Got (Messy, Honest) Answers!
Okay, so "Hidden Gem"? Is this whole Pheasant Inn thing ACTUALLY worth the hype?
What's the food like? Is it just fancy pub grub?
The rooms... are they actually "fairytale"? Sounds cheesy!
Is it family-friendly? I've got kids.
Cockermouth itself... is there anything to DO there?
What's the service like? Grumpy old innkeepers?
Okay, you mentioned a bad experience. Spill the tea! What went wrong?
Anything else I should know before I go? Any secret tips?
