Cincinnati's BEST Kept Secret? This Hotel Will SHOCK You!
Cincinnati's BEST Kept Secret? Holy Smokes, This Hotel Seriously SHOCKED Me! (And Here's Why)
Okay, people, buckle up. I’m about to spill the tea on a hotel in Cincinnati that’s supposed to be some kind of secret. Well, the secret’s out, buddy, because I'm shouting it from the rooftops (or, you know, the internet). This place… this place messed with my expectations in the BEST possible way. I need to preface this entire review by saying I'm not some smooth-talking travel blogger. I'm me. I'm a real person with real opinions and a real knack for getting lost on the way to the lobby. And frankly? This place, whatever it is, is worth the trip.
(Metadata & SEO Snippets: Cincinnati Hotel Review, Best Cincinnati Hotels, Luxury Cincinnati, Accessible Hotels Cincinnati, Spa Hotels Cincinnati, Free Wifi Cincinnati, Family Friendly Hotels Cincinnati, [Hotel Name - Replace with Real Name], Cincinnati Hidden Gem, Shocking Hotel Experiences)
First, let's ground ourselves…
Accessibility, Cleanliness, and Safety: More Than Just Buzzwords, Seriously.
(Keywords: Accessibility, Wheelchair Accessible, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Physical distancing, Anti-viral cleaning products, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Hygiene certification, Staff trained in safety protocol, Hand sanitizer, Room sanitization opt-out available, Air conditioning in public area)
Look, I roll my eyes at the whole "safety first" thing like everyone else, until… well, until I experience it done right. This hotel? They get it. Getting around was a breeze. The elevator was smooth, no jerky starts or stops that make you question your life choices. Wheelchair accessible? Absolutely, and not in that half-assed way where they just shove a ramp in front of the stairs. Thoughtful, wide hallways, easy access to everything. Plus, they obviously know what they’re doing when it comes to cleaning. The smell of actual CLEAN overwhelmed any potential germ-induced paranoia I usually carry, which is HUGE. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Check. Staff trained in safety protocol? DEFINITELY check! I actually saw a guy meticulously wiping down elevator buttons, which felt… weirdly comforting. It was so clean, I could practically eat off the floor (but, like, I wouldn't). They actually made me feel safe.
The Rooms: My Little Sanctuary (With a Few Small Hiccups)
(Keywords: Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!, Wi-Fi [free], Air conditioning, Blackout curtains, Extra long bed, Bathrobes, Coffee/tea maker, Desk, Slippers, Soundproofing, Non-smoking rooms, Safety/security feature, In-room safe box, Mini bar)
Alright, let’s talk about the actual room. The initial impression? "Wow." The second impression? "Okay, this is nice." The third impression? "I could live here." It was that good. And a little bit messy, because let's be honest, I'm messy.
First of all – Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Praise the internet gods! And it was actually FAST. I mean, no buffering, no having to wander the halls to find a decent signal. It was a godsend, as someone who works remotely. But honestly, the internet was more than just fast and functional. It was my connection to sanity.
My room had this… thing. It had a ridiculous bed. It was absolutely massive. The extra-long bed was so soft I swear I could have sunk into it and never emerged again. Seriously, I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud made of puppies and angels. Blackout curtains? Yes, and they worked too well. I slept so deeply I nearly missed my alarm. (Note to self: set two alarms next time.) Other nice-to-haves? Bathrobes, which I basically lived in, coffee/tea maker (vital!), a decent desk for working, and a mini bar I mostly ignored because, honestly, I was too busy enjoying the… well, the everything.
One minor gripe: The TV remote. I am convinced it was sentient and actively worked against me. I swear, I could never find the channel I wanted. I'm blaming it on some kind of hotel conspiracy. Also, the coffee/tea maker could have looked slightly better, I was looking for a more upscale model.
Oh, and a minor but important win: Soundproofing! I couldn't hear a peep from the hallway or the other rooms. Bliss. And I loved the slippers because I'm a sucker for those little details.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Let's Talk FOOD (and Booze!)
(Keywords: Restaurants, Bar, Room service [24-hour], Breakfast [buffet], Poolside bar, Coffee shop, Vegetarian restaurant, Snacks bar, Bottle of water, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant, A la carte in restaurant, Happy hour)
Okay, so they claim to have a bar. But it wasn’t just a bar. It was the bar. I spent a solid few hours there, getting to know the bartenders, who were friendly and actually knew how to make a decent cocktail. Seriously, the martinis were spot on. And the poolside bar? Perfect for a lazy afternoon.
The restaurants were fantastic. I had a particularly outstanding meal at [Restaurant Name] (replace with the actual name, please!). They have everything from vegetarian to super fancy steak options, plus a good selection of Asian cuisine and Western cuisine, not to mention the desserts… oh, the desserts! The food was so good it genuinely shocked me.
The breakfast buffet wasn't just the standard boring eggs and bacon. It had a wide selection of stuff and it was fresh and high quality. And because I'm lazy, I used the room service (24-hour? YES, PLEASE!) at 3 am to order a club sandwich. It arrived promptly, and the fries were still crispy! I also loved how friendly the staff was.
I will say, the coffee shop was a little… underwhelming. It felt a bit like a corporate coffee chain, and not as special as the rest of the hotel. But, hey, can't win ‘em all, right?
Activities and Relaxation: Spa Day, Anyone? (Yes, Please!)
(Keywords: Spa, Sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor], Fitness center, Massage, Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Pool with view, Gym/fitness)
This is where things got really good. They have a spa – not just a spa, but a proper spa. I’m talking sauna, steamroom, and a swimming pool with a view. A view! And an outdoor swimming pool. You know, for when you want to splash around under the sun.
I booked a massage. Honestly, I was a sweaty mess from the flight and the fact that I had walked around the city for 5 hours, and just general life stress. The masseuse was amazing! I mean, seriously, I melted into a puddle of pure relaxation. They offered body scrubs and body wraps, too, but I chickened out – maybe next time!
They also have a fitness center and a gym/fitness area. I, uh, glanced at them. From the outside. Let's just say, my exercise regime is… inconsistent. But it looked well-equipped, and I did notice a good foot bath option in the spa area.
The Little Extras: Details That Matter (and Sometimes Don't)
(Keywords: Concierge, Daily housekeeping, Luggage storage, Laundry service, Dry cleaning, Gift/souvenir shop, Convenience store, Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange, Safety deposit boxes, Air conditioning in public area, Elevator, Terrace, Smoking area, Doorman, Front desk [24-hour], Car park [free of charge], Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Pets allowed unavailable, Proposal spot, Shrine)
So many little things that added up to a big experience. The concierge was genuinely helpful, offering recommendations and making reservations. Daily housekeeping kept the room immaculate (which I definitely appreciated). They even had luggage storage and laundry service, which, for someone like me who always overpacks, is a lifesaver.
The gift/souvenir shop was a nice touch, and the convenience store had all the essentials. They even offer cash withdrawal and currency exchange, which is handy for international travellers.
The front desk was staffed 24/7, and the staff was incredibly friendly and helpful. The doorman was welcoming, and the car park [free of charge] was a definite bonus.
I appreciated the family/child friendly aspects. They have a babysitting service too, which makes this a good option for a family getaway.
A few other things that stood out. They have a terrace for chilling, a smoking area (sadly, I don't smoke, but I understand some people do). I spotted a
Gold Reef City: Johannesburg's WILDEST Hotel Adventure!
Alright, buckle up buttercups! We're about to dive headfirst into a Sonesta ES Suites Cincinnati - Sharonville East adventure. This isn't your perfectly curated Instagram post; this is the real, probably slightly frantic, version. Let’s see if I can get this straight…
The Grand (And Slightly Grubby) Itinerary: Cincinnati-Sharonville, OH - A Human's Attempt
Day 1: Arrival, Anxiety, and the Questionable Pool (aka, “Where’s the Remote?!”)
- 1:00 PM - Touchdown Cincinnati! (Hopefully I manage to not spill coffee on myself, again.) Grabbed my rental car (a beige behemoth, I've already named "Bertha"). Road trip music blasting (definitely not what the rental agreement intended, sorry not sorry).
- 2:30 PM - Check-in at Sonesta: Okay, first impressions…it’s… functional. The lobby had a faint smell of chlorine and… something else I can't quite place. Optimistically, I told myself it's "a hint of adventure!"…more realistically, it's probably just cleaning supplies.
- 2:45 PM - Room Exploration: Ah yes, the classic dance of settling in. Unpacking is a chore. Immediately, I lost the remote. Of course. Spent a good fifteen minutes on hands and knees, muttering under my breath. Found it! Buried under a mountain of hotel-provided pamphlets on local attractions. (Goodness, there are a lot of them!)
- 3:30 PM - Poolside Peril: The pool. Oh, the pool. It looked inviting in the pictures. In reality? Slightly murky, mostly deserted. The lone person there was a guy in a Speedo doing the most intense breaststroke known to humankind, while wearing a baseball cap. Truly, a sight to behold. Decided to skip the swim, fearing a chlorine-induced coma.
- 4:00 PM - Grocery Store Recon: Gotta stock up on the essentials! Snacks! Drinks! The stuff of life! Found a Kroger nearby. Wandered the aisles, overwhelmed by choices. Ended up with a family-sized bag of chips and a twelve-pack of… well, let’s just say something bubbly.
- 6:00 PM - Dinner Debacle: Decided to "be adventurous" and try the local BBQ joint. The reviews were mixed. It wasn't good. The pulled pork was drier than my wit, and the mac and cheese tasted suspiciously like… instant mac and cheese. (Sigh). I'm a sucker for a good BBQ, so this was a huge letdown. Had a mental argument with myself about leaving a bad review and eventually gave up, feeling too pathetic to complain.
- 7:30 PM - Evening Entertainment: Back at the hotel. Flipped through channels, stumbled upon a reality show about… competitive dog grooming? I'm not even a dog person. Watched three episodes. Questioned my life choices.
- 9:00 PM - Bedtime Routine: Realized I forgot my toothbrush. Groaning.
Day 2: Museums, Mishaps, and a Mild Meltdown
- 8:00 AM - Breakfast, the Disappointment: My hotel-included breakfast was a continental catastrophe. Stale muffins, lukewarm coffee, and a general air of sadness. Should have gone for the "waffles are an option" breakfast.
- 9:00 AM - Journey to the National Museum of the US Air Force: This was the highlight I was genuinely looking forward to! All those planes! All those stories of adventure! I was in heaven. But I had to drag myself there. Traffic was a beast. I almost missed the exit.
- 10:00 AM - Air Force Museum Wow! The B-17! The Enola Gay!! The sheer scale of the place was incredible. Spent hours just wandering around, gaping at the history. I teared up, I’ll admit it. Moved by the bravery and sacrifice, the engineering prowess… I felt tiny and insignificant but also… inspired? It was a real experience. Totally worth the existential crisis.
- 1:00 PM - Lunch Lull: Found a little diner. Ordered a burger. It was okay, but I really just wanted to keep thinking about those planes. The burger served its purpose in fueling my museum experience.
- 2:00 PM - Back to the hotel. Did not want to. Exhausted.
- 3:00 PM - Back to my room. Found a weird stain on the carpet. Decided to ignore it.
- 4:00 PM - Evening Free Time. The "free time" thing is a lie to me. I hate free time. I spent an hour staring at the wall.
- 6:00 PM - Dinner Disaster: The "free hot breakfast" came in handy! The dinner was an adventure. I ordered tacos. They weren't good.
- 7:00 PM - Bedtime. Watched some TV and then fell asleep.
Day 3: Departure, Reflections, and a Secret Hope
- 8:00 AM - Goodbye, Sonesta! Checked out. No regrets. Had a decent breakfast.
- 9:00 AM - Drive Away. Reflected on the trip. Discovered that I had a good time.
- 12:00 PM - Home. This whole trip was a microcosm of life. It wasn't perfect, it was messy, it had its moments of frustration and utter brilliance. But in the end? It was mine. And in a weird way, I’m glad I went!
Final Thoughts:
Sonesta ES Suites. It did the job. It wasn’t glamorous or fancy. But, I slept. I had a great shower. The free wifi at least worked. The staff was fine. And hey, I survived. Cincinnati, you're alright. Maybe I'll be back someday…with a better BBQ plan, and a less judgmental attitude towards competitive dog grooming. And maybe, just maybe, I'll finally get the hang of that whole "packing light" thing.
Unbelievable Storrs Gate House: Windermere's Hidden Gem Revealed!
So, what *is* the point of all this, anyway?
Ugh, don't even *start* with the existential dread, okay? Seriously. If I had a nickel for every time I've stared at the ceiling at 3 AM and questioned everything... well, I'd have enough to buy a decent pizza. And a REALLY good bottle of wine. The point? Honestly? I don't know. Maybe there *isn't* one, and that's okay. Maybe it's about the pizza. Or the wine. Or that time I almost set my kitchen on fire trying to make a soufflé (more on that later...). Just... try to find *something* to enjoy, even if it's just a ridiculously comfy pair of socks.
People keep telling me to "find my passion." Is that a thing, or just a cruel joke?
HAHAHA! Oh, god, "find your passion." It's like, the ultimate millennial cliché, isn't it? Look, I get it. They want you to be fulfilled, happy, blah blah blah. Personally, I'm not sure "passion" is necessarily the right goal. I think a more reasonable goal is "find something that doesn't make you want to scream into a pillow every single day." I've tried a lot of things. Tried being a writer (failed), tried being a chef (disaster), tried being a competitive thumb wrestler (don't ask). The truth is, passion waxes and wanes, like the moon. Sometimes it's there, other times you're just... getting by. And that's okay. Embrace the "getting by" days. They're the ones that give you the most interesting stories, anyway.
What's the deal with relationships? Why are they so HARD?
Oh. My. God. Where do I even *start* with relationships?! They're like navigating a minefield blindfolded, on a pogo stick, while wearing a clown suit. One minute you're blissfully happy, the next you're questioning every single life choice you've ever made. Communication is key, they say. But what if you're communicating with someone who speaks a different language – like, the language of "men," or the language of "avoidance." Look, I've been burned. I've been ghosted. I've dated people who thought "commitment" meant "three-hour commitment to watching a movie." But, and this is a big BUT, sometimes, you find someone who gets you, who *gets* all your weirdness, your flaws, your love of cheese. And that, my friends, makes it all worthwhile. Even the pogo stick.
I'm overwhelmed. How do I even *begin* to handle stress?
Okay, deep breaths. (I need a deep breath too, just *thinking* about stress). Stress is the monster under the metaphorical bed, isn't it? It's the thing that keeps you up at night, gnawing at your insides. Here's the thing: there is no magic bullet. No one-size-fits-all solution. What works for me? Exercise (ugh, I know), chocolate (mandatory), and… okay, my SOUL. Let's rewind to that soufflé incident. I was trying to impress someone, and I was a nervous wreck. The soufflé… let's just say it was a culinary disaster. That experience taught me a very important lesson. The souffle's problem wasn't that I failed, but how I reacted when I failed. I needed to learn to handle stress (and the oven). And, also, that sometimes takeout is a valid option. Find your coping mechanisms. Whatever they are: journaling, yelling into a pillow, binge-watching bad reality TV. Just find them and *use* them.
What's your biggest regret?
Alright, this is a hard one. Regret... it's like a little gremlin that whispers in your ear, isn't it? "You could have... you should have..." Ugh. I'm not going to be all philosophical here about living without regrets. That's BS. I have a few. Like, I regret not telling my high school crush how I felt (he's now married with 3 kids. Sigh.). But I also regret, deeply, that soufflé! It. Was. Horrendous. And the worst part? The smoke alarm sounded. It was pure chaos and smoke. The person I was trying to impress laughed and ordered pizza. In the end, that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made a mistake, I learned that I wasn't the great chef I aspired to be, and I accepted that things are messy. (Also, I'm a great pizza-orderer now). I think, my biggest regret isn't what I did -- it's the times I let fear stop me from doing *anything* at all. That's something I'm actively trying to work on, and I suggest you do the same.
What's the best advice you've ever received?
Okay, this is going to sound cheesy, but here goes: "Be kind to yourself." Seriously. It's the simple things, eh? It's so easy to beat yourself up, to focus on your flaws, to dwell on your mistakes. But if you want to thrive, be kind to yourself, even when you screw up (which, trust me, you *will*). Forgive yourself your imperfections. Laugh at your ridiculousness. And remember, everyone's just winging it, one day at a time. Including me. And yes, I am still working on perfecting my pizza-ordering skills. And, maybe, just maybe, I'll try that soufflé again someday. But next time, I'm calling for takeout backup.
